Wee Little Rant About Grief

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  • #4653
    Fiona Siobhan PowellFiona Powell
    Participant

    I’m going to do a wee little rant here, you have been warned!
    The latest story regarding Kirsty, began magnificently. The SW got the shock, suddenness an trauma of a 2nd trimester miscarriage absolutely right, in my experience. (although mine happened 32 years ago, and then, nobody did anything, no ceremony offered nothing ….; I did name the baby, and created the ceremony on the advice of a midwife, but was otherwise left alone to deal with my grief) . And the SW are handling the embarrassment people show when they are attempting to console the grieving, in such an awkward situation (It IS awkward when the person who died was never technically a person!) BUT ….the constant nagging Kirsty into taking it easy, staying home for at least another week or two has me chewing rushes!! So, are we all expected to take acres of time off, and sit silently every time we face a similar situation? That’s just bonkers! In my case, I got back to work , and my usual routine within 4 days. I did have three children to care for, and although I didn’t get back to heavy work (I was a contract shepherd) I did get back to my other job. (Agri research). I thought it best to get on with it, and explain my situation to as many as possible, as fast as possible. Good grief! When my boyfriend was killed in a car accident, I took only 10 days ….which gave me time to do the funeral, and have that awful “fog” period that happens. I reflect, that during a particularly horrible 18 months, when I lost 8 people (including a step father, brother, boyfriend, and close friend); had I done the suggested model of taking extra extra time …I’d have pretty much not worked for an entire year! None of which would’ve helped me. Support, helped me, friends, helped me, having my own version of high heels and dancing (acting utterly out of character for a week or two, as Kirsty is doing) helped me ….and WORK helped me, getting back to the routine of “normal life” helped me enormously. Being nagged to death to stay home and do nothing ….would not have helped me , and thankfully, none of my friends /family suggested it.
    Kirsty is a wonderfully strong woman, grounded, she needs to be treated with love and respect, SHE knows what is going to help her through the grief….and at the moment, for her, that is buying daft clothing, high heels and dancing. And getting back to “normal existence” She hasn’t done grieving, she’s barely started; but sitting at home pretending she’s a delicate little orchid will not help her physically, mentally, or emotionally. ..Dancing in high heels, just might ….

    #4658
    Jacqueline BerthoJacqueline Bertho
    Participant

    You have put my thoughts in words..I have not suffered the traumas that you have. But it does not help me in anyway to be told to take time out. If, like Kirsten, you are a busy, occupied person., the last thing in the world you can cope with is being told to keep quiet.

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