16 November 2015
Rex gave a somewhat half hearted reading for Remembrance Sunday, but as he was a male under 40 he was rapturously received by the rest of the congregation. Alan chanced his arm and got a goose from Toby which made his day, so much so he remembered he could speak. Praise the Lord, it’s a miracle.
Ruth has had to fork out from mea mutha’s’s estate to pay for the extras she enjoyed at Marvin Gaye House. The chiropody, the eye test, the nights with Barry the Gigolo. £24 all in, and he washes down any appliances.
Lyndybottom was worried about the free flow of Chi around her production office at Lower Loxley. It’s the free flow of bullshit I’d be more worried about, Lynda. She said that Robert was the rock on which all her achievements rest. I think she said rock, anyway.
Poor Ruth is starting to feel completely left out of David and Pip’s marriage. I can see why. Maybe she’ll go and be interviewed by Martin Bashir. Yah, there were three of us in this marriage and that’s why I went orf with Rex Farebrother and became a stepmother to 42,000 mutant geese.
The Grundys are still playing musical chairs with their houses – Ed and Emma have suggested they stay with Susan and Neil so that Eddie and Clarrie can move in to Wiliam’s with Joe. With me so far? Anyway that’s not happening. Bartleby didn’t like the en suite so that’s out.
Oliver and Caroline burgled. Apparently the burglars took the TV off the wall. Oliver and Caroline would not have a TV on the wall. No. Way. They would have a very discreet and expensive TV hidden by something else and they would use it to watch David Attenborough wildlife programmes, Caroline would watch Strictly which she would describe as “just a bit of nonsense” and they’d both be glued to anything with Prunella scales. But if they’ve got a flat screen TV on the wall I am a Dutchman. What else did the burglars take, for heaven’s sake? A life-size china leopard and an acrylic cocktail bar?
Bridge Farm are doing a cashew trial and Jeff’s got flu. It’s all go, isn’t it?
Interestingly, the senior Titchynobs have sent Titchynob and Helen a congratulations card on the daylight robbery adoption of Horrible Henry. How did they know, for heavens sake? Helen’s not allowed to talk to them, Rob doesn’t talk to them….
And in another plot pothole a mile wide, plothole? The Grundys have been given their marching orders by Kathy. Because obviously, while the actual owners of Gay Grables are in daily contact with Ed Grundy, the obvious thing to do for the manager is to make the parents homeless for Christmas without checking with them. What cobblers.
Anyone else think it was a bit odd that Elizabeth would be fawning over Phoee’s hair and telling her how wonderful she was when the last contact Phoebe had with Elizabeth was when she discovered to her horror Elizabeth was playing Tent Flap Top Trumps with her father? Phoebe doesn’t strike me as the kind of woman who’d forgive all after a quick compliment about her hair.
The Tank Regiment were called to Lower Loxley to admire the floral centrepiece. I know they were all gagging to see it. You can’t keep squaddies away form a floral display, you know what they’re like. There was a lot of embarrassing yoot stuff about the inbetweeners and rizzle kicks. But it was played by Tommy Crokers grandson so it was probably drizzle kicks.
Roscoe Joliffe is keeping Jazzer on as a milkman. He’s one of the Denton Grange Joliffes, you know. Oooh. Let’s all curtsey.
Dan’s a friend of Dorothy. Not sure that’s going to come as a major shock to anyone. So we’re going to have Dan and Dorothy are we? Remind anyone of anything?
And in the final barney of a very grumpy week, Ruth was horrified to discover that David is paying someone else to fertilise the cows. I would be extremely worried David that Ruth doesn’t have her own insemination alternative lined up. Oh, hello Rex! If they do get together, and Pip turns to Toby in her distress, this would mean that pip and Ruth would be sisters in law as well as mother and daughter. But it’s alright because Hooty Jill would no doubt immediately suggest a family party and as we know, that only ever makes things better.
The End.
