30 November 2015
David and his wife, Pip have patronisingly decided that Ruth is having a mid life crisis. She’ll come back with a sports car, a toupee and a 22 year old Kiwi boyfriend called Matt. Ruth is clearing off because David stopped telling her what he was doing so he made the intelligent decision to not tell her that he’d nearly killed the cows by forcing them to eat pear drops. Anyway Usha came round to visit her and asked her to keep in touch. On a fortnight’s holiday. For crying out loud.
Rob had a lovely surprise for Helen. He is not going to get a job ever and is going to be at home constantly, dogging her every footstep, hiding the cheque book and confiscating her car keys. WHAT a nice man. However he may be forced into getting a proper job as Justin is pursuing him to replace poor old Charlie at Berrow. I am now starting to see Charlie as Charlie Brown from Peanuts. Oh good grief. Neil is Linus. Lynda is Lucy. I’m getting carried away now…
Anyway I am sure Rob will accept this new role with his usual grace and lack of glorying in victory over Charlie as that’s the kind of magnanimous chap he is. ha ha ha . I have now changed my mind over Charlie being Justin’s stepson as Justin called him Charlie Thomas and although the upper classes are stilted and peculiar even they don’t call family members by their surnames.
The Grundies still haven’t found a place to live. Shame Jennidarling gave away that kitchen really, as they could have lived in the white wine fridge. Kathy regained the power of speech to have a word with them about Joe’s behaviour, wandering around the bar at Gay Grables in his undercrackers. Apparently a guest complained when she caught a glimpse of his ferret.
Roy and Krusty had a chat. She tried to persuade him to take a role in calendar girls and get his kit off. It’s only a small part, she said. Yes, that’s what I‘m worried about, said Roy. Anyway she’ll see exactly how small it is when she moves in with him.
And bizarrely in yet another entirely ridiculous plot twist, Elizabeth, who has been seizing up every time Roy spoke to her on the phone and has been slinking around Lower Loxley hiding from the entire village, is now not only happy to act as his wife in front of the entire village, and get her kit off in front of him, she invited him out for a drink at the Bull, which is the equivalent of posting something in the borchester Echo. Or giving Jennifer a slug of cooking sherry and waiting for her to tel everyone.
So not only is Elizabeth dreaming of Roy, Will Grundy is dreaming of Justin Elliott, the night before the shoot. High and fast, that’s just how Justin likes ‘em, apparently. Wonder if he’s met Kate? Titchynob went sliming around the gentry probably wearing his Barbour, rat catcher, hunting pink and Ascot top hat all at once just to prove how much he fits in, the git.
Such a shame all of our holiday cottages are booked, said Jennidarling insincerely, at the prospect of the Grundies staggering about Home Farm brewing cider in the pool and filling the welsh dresser with some of they turkeys.
Meanwhule Adam showed Justin his herbal lays, and he pretended to be fascinated. Justin seemed more fascinated by Jennidarling, to be honest – anyone else think that Justin may be going to try and get into Jennidarling’s Underwood’s finest cashmere camis?
Mia is playing Mary in the nativity. That’ll put Kiera’s nose right out of joint. She’s only understudying a brussel sprout in scene 2.
And then we had the Hunt Ball, in which Charlie gave a hugely disappointing blow but Rob tootled away in triumph in his role as the Evil Baron in the village Pantomime. I know they’re not having a village pantomime this year, but Rob’s behaviour is now so overtly boo hiss that I keep imagining him with a swirly cloak roaring at small children in the front row who get taken out in tears.
At the Hunt Ball, naughty Jennidarling got a bit pissy boots. Very quickly – she went from oh hello how lovely to see you to ohmygerdI shouldn’t say this but I’m going to. And inadvertently gave titchynob enough ammunition to see off the entire village, practically. Well done Jennidarling! If you and Pat were making a concerted effort to send Helen into an early grave you couldn’t be doing a better job. The End.
