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I remember of good friend of mine telling me when he was an adult how he and his sisters were not allowed to attend his dad’s funeral. His dad died when he was 13.
He was still very distressed by it many years later. He felt he never had the chance to say good bye.My niece was only four when her mum (my sister) died. My niece did go to the funeral. It was clearly important to her. She says now (as a young adult) it helped her knowing her mum was loved by so many. My niece said she felt surrounded by love being there.
Was there not a relatively recent Archers story line when Jill talked of the importance of children attending funerals based on her own (bad) childhood experience?
When my mother and later my father passed away, I would have liked my children to attend but my husband did not think it was appropriate for children to attend funerals. I didn’t have the emotional energy to have a robust discussion about it at that time. They were primary school age. When asked they said they didn’t mind either way. They are young men now and have never expressed a disappointment that they were not able to attend. I feel they didn’t really grasp what had happened at the time and attending the funeral would have helped. They seem to have turned out pretty well though and I have tried to keep the memory of their grandparents alive in family discussions etc.
My 2 and a bit nibling and 4ish cousin didn’t attend the service for my dad but were there for the wake.
We all felt it was really important that they were involved in what they could understand. The family funerals I didn’t attend were due to them being abroad and cost of tickets etc.
I get not wanting Poppy to go to the actual service but by the sounds of it, she’s having enough trouble processing things and she needs ‘closure’.
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I’m so grateful that I went to all my grandparents’ funerals. I think this desire to protect children from normal human emotions is very interesting; of course it’s upsetting, but so is life! Surely the more we acknowledge that death is a part of life (albeit a difficult and unpredictable one), the more positive our own relationship with death will be.
So pleased that Will went; from the short clips we heard it sounded like it was cathartic in some way. I was also talking to someone who’d spent lots of time in New Orleans, and she mentioned the ‘second line’ funeral processions there. A real community occasion without the solemnity and stuffiness of church. I’d love to see one.
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