How likely is it that someone living in a glass house would either denigrate another local resident and perform rumpy-pumpy without drawing the curtains in the same week?  One or the other but not both, not when treating your beloved wife to stinky blue cheese and scrappy organic vegetables (presumably in the hope that she will suffer food poisoning and that you can replace her with the mistress); indeed if you are concerned about property values, why would you even contemplate observing about the feckless neighbours in a public forum as that is simply going to make things worse!  Somehow […]

DTD: 396-Alice leaves Ambridge Play Now | Download

Apparently there is some form of football competition happening at present; its existence has so far completely by-passed Ambridge which remains in denial about covid, the weather and current events beyond Lower Loxley; however Roifield appears to be watching goals whilst discussing The Archers with Philippa.   This week we pivoted away from Alice and her alcohol dependence to Roifield and his football dependence to Neil Carter’s memory loss – like me he never remembers anything his good lady wife tells him – and his attempt at tidying Shula’s garden.  The Adam story rumbled along – and then suddenly Ian […]

How many boyfriends did Shula have? Play Now | Download

For reasons best known to himself Roifield, who is hosting this week with Philippa, seems to spend more time telling us about two television programmes than last week on The Archers – was he listening to the latter?  One of those tv programmes name I did not catch so cannot tell you what it was – the other “Kim’s Convenience” is on Netflix if you can afford it and want to follow up the recommendation.   My observation this week is that Jenny would have gone and asked Oliver about Ed, not Ed.  Oliver could have said what he did […]

DTD: 390 - Brian was excruciating, Jennifer's voice got higher and higher. A normal week in Ambridge Play Now | Download

Philippa, Rosie and Quentin have been outside in the fine weather participating in various previously forbidden activities, cinema trips, gardening and similar.   Events in Ambridge are quickly assessed by Quentin and we all want to know the secrets of the Beechwood WhatsApp group; various theories are aired.   Obviously I was unsurprised by the speedy visit from social services, boxes were rapidly ticked and as I had anticipated Jenny Dahling’s premonition of Martha being taken into care dissipated faster than dissolving an Alka-Seltzer (other restorative pills are available) in water!  Alice prefers to disappear a hair of the dog […]

DTD: 389 - It was a week of long forgotten but rediscovered vehicles. Play Now | Download

Philippa has been celebrating 20 years of marriage spending it with the car recovery service after a tyre valve failure needing attention.  In answer to Roifield’s query it is a china anniversary so hopefully she now has a completely new chinaware collection.    In Ambridge we were subjected to something even worse than Alice – Lee, his super heroes and decorating skills.  In place of the Two and a Half Men of film fame we got the Three Dads, two of whom are actually competent at diy and one who is not.  We know that Lee is everything which is […]

DTD: 388 - Vince loves Lizzy, The love edition... Play Now | Download

Quentin speaks for us all by saying that we are bored and fed-up with Alice and her love affair and just wishes that our ears can be spared by bringing the entire farrago to a conclusion, preferably sometime this week, rather than next.  It is not educational, it is not informative and it is far from entertaining and therefore completely fails to meet the aims of the BBC.  Where would Alice find a brick lying around in Ambridge?  Why are her parents being so mis-portrayed?  Why hasn’t her old friend Fallon swept in and sorted her out – or has […]

DTD: 387 - Woof, what a week in Ambridge Play Now | Download

Much to his surprise Quentin Rayner is in his car in a layby.  His static caravan may be an exotic new acquisition but it is sadly lacking in that modern requirement – a data signal.  I can only assume it is so far from civilisation that the guest chair with built in broadbean did not reach him in time.  Indeed as Roifield is not present all three guest chairs should have been in use.   Quentin gets to talk about the “christening” as finally some people apparently know that Alice is a lush – obviously the rehab was about as […]

DTD: 385 - Its all out of the bag, the Christening went tits up! Play Now | Download