- Good on you, Pip – so determined not to miss the last cricket match of the season. (Errr… has she been heard at any of the previous matches this year? Too busy being goosed by the Fairbretheren this summer, perhaps?)
- One minute this is a dull-as-ditchwater match that Hooty Jill did well to avoid, the next it’s a last-minute-nailbiter that goes down in the annals of village history. And what about that run-rate?! How fast did those opening batsmen notch up over a hundred runs? Sounds like Titchynob’s final slog wasn’t quite the matchsaver everyone was going on about. This win was an all round team effort. But – as Rob is only too aware – there’s no “I’m A Colossal Dickhead” in “TEAM”.
- Rob’s pernicious influence is now extending to impressionable Jonny, but Rob seemed to me to let his guard down in public this week; his naked aggresion to Adam and dishonorable behaviour at the crease would’ve been witnessed by a large crowd of people. These weren’t the cleverly concealed actions of the unscrupulous manipulator we’ve witnessed when he’s in private. When Titchynob gets his ultimate comeuppance (and he will, he will), these moments will not be forgotten by the Ambridge faithful (despite his crude attempts to destroy Helen’s video evidence).
- Oh poor Heather pet. She sounded barely able to lift a cup of tea to her lips, let alone tackle the M1… and so it transpired. Compare & contrast to Joe who – at 94 – had already mucked out Bartleby, hand-pressed a load of windfalls in the cider shed and helped Eddie shift three hundredweight of hardcore from Ambridge Hall. Joe Grundy: Force Of Nature.
- So the Archers Halloween Special is really racking up the cast: We can now expect spectral appearances from Heather Pet, John Archer, Julia Pargetter, John Tregorran, Grace Archer and Scruff as a reincarnated, wild-eyed Hound of Hell, jaws dripping with the blood of Brian Aldridge’s livestock.
- There has been insufficient medical research into the stroke-inducing qualities of music hall songs. Let us hope that the “dillied”, “dallied” and generally doolallied death of Heather raises the profile of such an understudied risk factor.
- Given that Hazel Slitheen has reluctantly discharged her one charitable act of the decade on the village shop, what do we think are the chances for a smooth transition for the Grundy’s back into Keepers Cottage? I think we could be in for the “Grundy World of Soup Kitchens” this Yuletide.
- What’s going on between Helen and Fallon? Did I miss some sub-plot of tension between them? Or is this a Rob thing?
- There could be a really interesting story about the very British way that we do grief and bereavement here… but I wonder if it would be more powerful with a character who is generally less doleful than Ruth.
- Fallon in full on orgasmic mode over the prospect of a tea shop. If Tom had asked her to make the cakes out of cow manure and the tea out of leftover veg. box leeks, Fallon would’ve agreed!
- Pip and David compete over “Who Can Be The Most Emotionally Repressed In The Light Of A Major Family Crisis.” Pip loses.
- Helen’s perpetually nauseated state is called out by Pat (presumably terrified of a re-run of the E.Coli flavoured ice cream scandal. Listeners everywhere share that particular terror.)
“Accidents do happen,” opines Pat. “Just look at Jonny.”
- Helen does not want to take a pregnancy test, fearing not the appearance of one line or two, but of a fully formed dæmon head spitting out fire and obscenity.
- Kate has been sharing with Jenny Darling “…all the different things you can do with Tofu.” Given that the list runs to “Eat it… errr, that’s it.”, that would’ve been a very short conversation. Like all the best conversations with Kate.
- Jenny & Carol are now bezzie mates, bonding over a few drinks. Jenny now has the utmost respect for the brave, good-hearted, utterly above-reproach and definitely-not-a-witch-or-a-murderer Carol. #LovePotionNumber9
- Kathy’s cryogenic chamber has been prised open for the occasion of the Health Club manager interviews. Wait a minute – wasn’t Kathy the Health Club manager? When – in her leave of absence – was she promoted to general manager?
- Having wooed his own brother with the creepily seductive power of “Croissants” last week, Toby is left to herd the geese solo. (Which – come to think of it – is another really creepy euphemism.) The news that Gay Grables and Lower Loxley are both willing to be goosed is not as good as it might be.
- Kirsty is also dragged out of suspended animation for “The Worst Job Interview Ever”, and the obligatory “Flirt With Toby Fairbrother“. Unsurprisingly, (as she remains on The Archers payroll), Kirsty gets the job. But hopefully not Toby.
- “Marriage obviously suits Helen,” purred Lynda. “You can tell by the way she throws her guts up at the slightest provocation.”
- Heather Pet has written down a funeral plan. Hymns are to include “Abide with Me” and “Fog on the Tyne”.
- Hooty Jill rang. “Hello. Sorry for your loss. Here’s a chicken. Now – about me…”
- ROB: “Mummy’s having a baby, Henry!”
- HENRY: “A Real one?”
- HELEN: “No, sweetheart – a monster. Ogre, Hellspawn, Succubus, Fiend. It’s too early to tell.”
- HENRY: “What’s his name?”
- ROB: “We were thinking Beelzebub.”
- HELEN: “Of course, it might be a little girl.”
- HENRY: “Awww! I don’t wanna girl!”
- ROB: “No, nor do I. Because I’ve the mentality of a spoilt four year old too.”