So I’m well behind on my listening this week, so rather than reflect on the Omnibus, I thought I’d reflect on Roifield & Lucy’s reflections on the Omnibus instead!
- The Wurzels must’ve earned more royalties from “The Archers” this year than the whole of the rest of the BBC put together.
- I could barely listen to Adam & Charlie in the House-warming episode. The prospect of an emotionally bereft Charlie “staying over” at Honeysuckle Cottage after a boozy party whilst Ian was “at work” was just too excruciating for words. Thank goodness Charlie killed the romantic mood with mention of the putrefying dog pelvis – a genuine passion killer.
- …and on that subject, like Lucy, I do think the phrase “putrefying dog pelvis” was a bit near the knuckle for a teatime broadcast. There’s a presumption that this is the remains of poor deceased Scruff, but it seems to me that we are missing a trick here: Approximately one quarter of the dead dog is accounted for. Surely the bigger question is… Where is the other three quarters of the dog? Suddenly that dodgy E. Coli flavour ice-cream from Bridge Farm is seeming like a deliciously risk-free treat!
- I am waiting with baited breath for the announcement of the appointment of a “Microbiological Story Editor”.
- Roifield may be right about only 10% of chicken being infected with Salmonella. But… which 10%, exactly?
- Cows are the new Ai Wei Wei? Didn’t Eddie already try flogging “Animal Art” at the Lower Loxley gallery?
- Toby Fairbretheren’s Brighton problem? However could a fit young man who prefers hanging around with fifteen hairy-arsed rugby players possibly have got himself into scandalous trouble in “London-on-Sea”? Say it with me: RENT BOY.
- Pip’s romantic leanings towards Toby (and/or possibly Rex) is nauseating, but understandable when you think about her other options to find a soulmate in Ambridge. Consider the other eligible young men in the village:
- Pip is related to Tom, Dan, Freddie and Adam (who -let’s face it, is unlikely to be interested at any rate). She’s kind of sort of related to Johnny too.
- Chris Carter, Ed, Will, Titchynob and Ian (also not interested) are married and Harrison is well loved up with Fallon
- Pip’s just graduated from Uni, so will be around 22 years old. That means eligible bachelors Joe, Bert Fry, Jim, Lewis, Justin Eliott and probably Roy are too old to be dating her with any sense of propriety. Ruairi, George & Jake Grundy are likewise far too young.
- She could shack up with a silent character – Derek Fletcher, perhaps, or one of the silent Home Farm farmhands?
- So – outside of the Fairbretheren – the gene pool is looking pretty shallow for dear old Pip. There are only two remaining options: Jamie Perks (who – let’s face it – is MIA) which leaves only one possible father for future generations of Archers… JAZZER!