Brookfield Confusion

[Country Squire]

There is something of the Herr Flick about Charlie. Clearly into weird S&M practices whilst wearing a leather overcoat. Is he an employee of Borchester Land? And who has brought all these new bods in? Is it the smouldering woman lawyer who Brine was always trying to punch in the knickers, Annabelle Hotstrumpet or some such? Has she been fired too?

I need to keep up, and these exchanges are far more entertaining than listening to the unbridled old rot.

[Sarah CM]

If it’s any help: there are currently three kids’ rooms. Bert moved into one of the boys’ rooms after The Flood, so the boys are sharing. Jill moved into Pip’s room after the burglary, and Pip is in the dining room. It seems they all eat in the kitchen anyway, as is increasingly common, unless there’s a special do.

I can’t help you on the sleeping arrangements when Jill & Phil were raising their brood there – I was too young to care. But it seems reasonable to me, being the same age as Kenton, that he and David shared a room, or the sisters shared a room: back then it was less common for each child to have their own room.

It seems odd that they didn’t, at some point, build a second bathroom, as extra bathrooms are more important IMO than bedrooms.

[Charlie Cat]

You would think Brookfield had a dining room or similar that would make a good place for a frail old lady to “live”. They seem to eat in the living room a lot. Have to just talk about my relief that the family have SUDDENLY remembered they have a stonking great cottage sitting there doing nothing that Pip could use. Thank goodness Fallon and Carpetburns hadn’t remembered and tried to move in there, eh?

Speaking of which, where do TRex live? Why are they pitching up in a tent half the time?

[Charlie Cat]

Oh, looks like Sarah has answered my Q above to a degree!

[Country Squire]

But this does not help us on where the upmarket Foie Gras brothers reside? Getting a job in Ambridge is always a cinch, and finding somewhere to live equally straightforward with the Grundays seeming to have annexed Keepers Cottage in perpetuity on a rent free basis. But I am still confused about precisely where our well spoken young men live.

At one time there were rooms to let in the Dull although presumably Kenton is too self absorbed/stupid to think of offering B&B or maybe they are simply full of Jerlene’s wigs.

And whatever happened to the premises that used to be the Cat & Fiddle run by the gay couple who moved away suddenly? I remember La Snell trying to convert it into something but can’t remember what. Just as Brookfield appears to have shrunk so the old Cat & Fiddle appears to have vanished.

[Charlie Cat]

Cat and Fiddle is beyond my time listening, i shall have to go look that up!

[Ms Mumbo- Jumbo]

Aaaaah. A Special do – now I am flailing around wondering whether tuna pasta bake should be consumed on the Brokefailed formica kitchen table or the G-Plan dining one.
I mean, normal people wd plump I presume for the former, but as Rooth and every other tpb eater in the village go into orgasmic ecstasies at the very mention of this culinary masterpiece, I’m thinking “dining table, has to be”.
Such a conundrum

[Country Squire]

Tunahhhh pasta bairke is one of the great culinary creations of Ambridge high cuisine. Freda Fry’s Borsetshire-Mex cook book recommended it was taken best with an Old El Paso packet of enchiladas.

I am only surprised that WR did not suggest candles and then go into her nudge, nudge routine with Dopey D for the dreaded early night although I suppose that now that the Brookfield sleeping arrangements are in such proximity her orgasmic screams would doubtless upset all the residents as well as possibly putting the coos off their milking and the hens off lay.

[Jo Lean]

While I don’t want to defend the Brookfield mob, as I think they are idiots, but David and Ruth did discuss Rickayard for Jill, but ruled it out as the steps are tricky, apparently. Of course, when they discussed it, Pip was going to be off working, so they didn’t think of Pip at the time, who is young enough to manage the “tricky steps”.

[Country Squire]

Thanks for this young Jo. Bertfroi who must be a youthful 80ish at best seemed to manage them OK but then how old is Red Jezza’s biggest fan, Jill, these days? Presumably the stairs at Brookfield have incorporated that must have Stannah stairlift.

This will surely cause problems for Heather pet who is won’t to ramble and roam. It’s a hornet’s nest and no mistake.

[Ms Mumbo- Jumbo]

Heatherpet is apparently to all intents and purposes bedridden as she has been given a room where she can look out on the orchard and think rosy-cheeked thoughts. I remember as well they said they would have to adapt the bogger to her needs. Presumably for the days when she isn’t using the commode also facing the orchard. Now will this mean getting Mr Pastry of Ambridge Hall in to screw a hand rail and special needs bog roll dispenser or does it just mean providing an alcove so a member of the famlee can be on permanent HeatherPet bogtime duty?

[Country Squire]

It is a dilemma. One can only assume that WR will not be on bogger-watch 24X7 but I still cannot understand why it is not possible to put Wor Jolly into a suitable home near Ambridge. Is this just WR being self obsessed as usual in that no one is capable of looking after her dear orld moothah apart from her? It would certainly seem so.

I apologise for not replying to these posts sooner but despite ticking the notify me box I still receive nothing which is a shame. BTW do we know if our friend La Sharpissima has been able to sign up yet or is she still getting a blank screen on her Amstrad Mk1?

[Glyn Fullelove]

I’ve already got the arrangements wrong once, thinking Bert was in Rickyard when he is in the main house, but I think Rickyard was reserved for the temporary cow man (Matthew?). I don’t understand why Bert can’t go in there now, as he is obviously fit and healthy, and create space for Jill. Then, when Bert goes back to the Bungalow, Pip could take his place and get out of the dining room.

But this would deprive us of whatever shenanigans Pip is going to get up to in Rickyard with TRex.

[Charlie Cat]

Assuming the cottage is a 2 bed, could she invite Jazza to stay as a housemate and that means i will get to hear him again? He is be far my top Archers crush and i miss him

[Aunty Jean]

I’m sure Brookers has shrunk over the years. Bert’s in there somewhere possibly in the airing cupboard, Jill was in Pip’s room but is now living in grandeur at LL. pip is definitely sleeping in the dining room until she moves to Rickyard which no doubt has put paid to eating the TPB on the good dining room table.

Rickyard was being used for holiday lets until the flood and then was going to house Matthew the blink and you’ll miss him cow man. Pip will no doubt move both Fairbrethren in there with her so they don’t have to live a la tent or indeed somewhere we don’t know about.

Roof and Daveed have a room together God helps us and the boys are sharing.

So. As is

Bedroom 1) roof and Daveed
Bedroom 2) josh and Ben
Bedroom 3) Bert
Bedroom 4) Jill
Dining room) Pip

Will be

Rickyard) Pip plus fairbrethren?
Bed 1) roof and Daveed
Bed 2) josh and Ben
Bed 3) Bert
Bed4)??? Because Heatherpet will be downstairs surely since she supposedly can hardly move so how would they get her up and down all the time? Either in the living room or dining room. Is there a downstairs loo? Well she can use a commode in any case. Whilst counting the apples on the trees in the orchard.

So bedroom 4 appears to be free again. Jill can come home and look after Heatherpet.

And in any case has anyone alerted the makers of oven chips that roof will soon be cooking again at Brookers? Cos if not I think someone should. They’ll need to get in extra supplies after all. And better alert the fire brigade too cos they’ll mostly be burnt oven chips.

Now all I’ve gotta do is house the cows, sheep and Tig and all will be well. Oh wait. I forgot about the bloody hens! And the bees!!

Start again….

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